I really, really hope nobody picks on me for this but I'm confident that enough people agree with me about this......... the original Super Mario Bros movie was absolute trash! Having said that though, I kind of have to give it credit for being the first cinematic-video-game-adaptation. I say this because, back then, video games (especially Mario games) were incredibly simple starring characters with goals easy enough to figure out without any backstory... which to make something like that into a feature-length-film is probably pretty hard since films are supposed to have compelling characters with compelling background stories and personalities!
Bob Hoskins plays Mario, which is honestly kinda perfect, John Leguizamo plays Luigi and Dennis Hopper plays Bowser (a.k.a, King Koopa). Dennis Hopper seemed to be the quintessential villain actor of the 1990's, so it seemed natural for him to play bowser. Well... it would've if the acting didn't suck tremendously!!! How can these fantastic actors be so bad in this movie?!?!? I think I've just recently found the answer...... apparently, Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo drank heavily in-between filming this movie, so they probably were having trouble getting their lines out without collapsing from a hangover. Plus, they also hated the script after they read it and decided to put no effort in... but, I prefer the alcoholism excuse much better. There's no excuse for Dennis Hopper's acting in this movie though, it's just bad for no reason!!!
There's only two things I think this film did right. number one, the characters almost match the old Mario games perfectly and numebr two, the production design and special effects were great but that's only because they got Lawrence G. Paull (who did Blade Runner) to design everything. Since the effects are so good that MUST mean Lawrence probably was the only person who wasn't drinking out of the entire production-team! Also, the budget for this film was much bigger than it's profit. BTW, how the hell can they be brothers if they look like they're twenty-years apart in age...... John Leguizamo doesn't even look anything like Luigi, but that's not really a big deal to me......... the big deal to me how bizzare this movie is. This movie is the product of the weirdness from David Lynch's "Eraserhead" and the most 2D characters from every movie ever collided and decided to become the Super Mario Brothers!
If you're looking for a good family/action movie to watch with your family, this ain't it! However, if you're in store for an accurate video-game adaptation... this ain't it either! I think, if this movie wasn't supposed to be based off of the Super Mario Bros games, and instead be ranamed "The (really crappy) Adventures of Two Short-Stubby-Plumbers," it might've actually worked out a lot better BUT it's not and I'll just have to live with that fact... even though I'm verbally defficating all over this movie, I also have to thank it because this was the movie that showed me how to properly critique films...... so in a way, this movie being so bad inspired my love for cinema......... So, thank you Super Mario Bros (from 1993) for showing how bad movies can truly be!... and to be fair, it's not the worst movie I've ever seen... but it's most certainly not the best either!
Thanks for reading my review of "Super Mario Bros." I really hope you enjoyed it and I'll be writing many more reviews later this year. Thank you and goodbye!!!
Overall, I'd probably give "Super Mario Bros." (1993), a rating of just 3/10
Comments